My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
