So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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