"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
