it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
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No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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