I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
