i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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