I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
