i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
