I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
