I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize