I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
