I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
