My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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