You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize