i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
God I need to hump something, right now.
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