Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
