just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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