i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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