Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
