My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
