So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
