I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
