my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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