Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
