Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
