If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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