It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
