You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
