It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
