I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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