My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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