Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
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i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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