I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize