Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
