I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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