God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
