Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is my gift to your gina
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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