Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
