I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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