i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
