So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
