I wish I could teleport
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
