a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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