I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
FUCK WHALES
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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