he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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