You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the day after is always just damage control
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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