By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
