I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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