K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
