u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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