im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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