i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
