And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think my fart just growled at me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
