If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
