I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
