You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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