last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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