There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
