He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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