dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
