I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
