nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
