my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
