overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
