He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
