i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They took my balls.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
